Q: So what exactly do coaches do during sessions?
The main tool a coach uses is questioning. These are questions designed to make you think differently about your situation. A good coach will ask open questions that require you to reflect, examine your assumptions, and consider perspectives you might not have thought about before.
What Actually Happens in a Coaching Session?
People often ask what coaching really looks like in practice. Is it advice? Is it therapy? Is it motivation?
None of those, at least not in the way people assume.
Coaching is structured thinking. It is a space where you slow down enough to see what you are actually doing, believing, avoiding, or tolerating. The coach does not provide answers. They create the conditions for you to find your own.
That sounds simple. It is not easy.
Let’s break it down.
The Structure of One Coaching Session
Every coach works slightly differently, but a typical session has a clear shape.
1. Arrival and Focus
You arrive with something on your mind. Sometimes it is clear. Sometimes it is a mess.
The first step is narrowing it down.
Instead of:
“I feel overwhelmed at work.”
A coach might ask:
What specifically feels overwhelming right now?
If we could solve one part of this today, which part would matter most?
What would make this session useful for you?
Already, the thinking sharpens.
You move from emotion to focus.
2. Exploration
This is where the depth happens.
The coach helps you unpack what is really going on. Not just the story, but the patterns underneath.
For example, if a client says:
“My colleague keeps undermining me.”
Powerful questions might include:
What does “undermining” look like in concrete behaviour?
How do you usually respond when it happens?
What assumption are you making about their intention?
If someone watched this interaction without context, what would they notice?
Notice what is happening. The coach is not judging or fixing. They are slowing you down.
Other examples of powerful perspective shifts:
How would you advise a friend in this situation?
What are you avoiding by staying in this pattern?
If you were not afraid of the consequences, what would you do?
What part of this is within your control?
What story are you telling yourself here?
Often, the breakthrough is not dramatic. It is a quiet realisation.
“Oh. I keep saying yes because I want to be seen as helpful.”
That level of honesty changes things.
3. Insight and Choice
Insight without action is just an interesting conversation.
Once clarity appears, the session moves into decision.
Given what you now see, what do you want to do?
What feels aligned with your values?
What boundary needs to be set?
What is one small step you are willing to take?
The key word is willing.
Not “should”. Not “ought to”.
Willing.
Coaching respects autonomy. The client decides.
4. Commitment and Accountability
At the end of the session, you define something concrete.
Not a life transformation. A step.
For example:
I will ask for clarification instead of assuming criticism.
I will schedule a conversation with my manager.
I will say “Let me think about that” instead of agreeing immediately.
The coach might ask:
What could get in the way?
How will you handle it if it does?
On a scale of 1 to 10, how committed are you?
If the number is low, the action is wrong. It needs adjusting.
What Makes These Questions Powerful?
Powerful questions do three things:
They challenge assumptions.
They shift perspective.
They return responsibility to the client.
They are open, precise, and sometimes uncomfortable.
For example:
Instead of asking:
“Why are you so stressed?”
A better question might be:
“What are you saying yes to that you do not actually want to do?”
That lands differently.
Or:
Instead of:
“Why does this keep happening to you?”
Try:
“What role might you be playing in maintaining this pattern?”
The Overall Coaching Journey
One session creates clarity. A coaching journey creates change.
Most coaching engagements follow a broad arc:
Phase 1: Clarifying Direction
What do you actually want?
What matters most at this stage of your life or career?
What is not working anymore?
This phase often reveals misalignment between values and behaviour.
Phase 2: Identifying Patterns
This is where deeper work happens.
Recurring conflicts.
Avoidance habits.
Fear of visibility.
People-pleasing.
Difficulty setting boundaries.
Here the questions become sharper:
When did this pattern first start?
What payoff do you get from staying the same?
Who would you be without this identity?
Change requires awareness of cost.
Phase 3: Experimentation and Behavioural Change
Insight turns into action.
Clients test new behaviours in real situations:
Speaking up in meetings.
Having difficult conversations.
Delegating.
Saying no.
Asking for feedback.
Each session reviews what happened:
What worked?
What surprised you?
Where did you default to the old pattern?
What did you feel in your body during that moment?
Coaching connects thinking, behaviour, and emotion.
Phase 4: Integration and Autonomy
Over time, the client no longer needs the same level of support.
They:
Catch their own assumptions.
Question their own narratives.
Pause before reacting.
Choose responses more consciously.
The goal is not dependency. It is independence.
Good coaching reduces the need for coaching.
What Coaching Is Not
It is not advice-giving.
It is not therapy for past trauma.
It is not motivational speaking.
It is not someone telling you what to do.
It is disciplined reflection.
And reflection changes behaviour when you are honest enough to face what you see.
Questions to Leave You Thinking
Even without a coach, you can start here:
Where in your life are you tolerating something you no longer respect?
What conversation are you postponing?
What identity are you protecting?
If nothing changed in the next year, would you be satisfied?
What are you pretending not to know?
This is where coaching begins…
